Participating in The Apprentice: One Championship Edition was a whirlwind experience. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that challenged me in ways I never imagined. However, it was my early exit from the show that marked the beginning of a profound personal journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and authenticity.
I’m not gonna lie. Getting out early from the show was extremely disappointing and painful. But now I know that it was not a failure but rather a blessing in disguise. It forced me to confront aspects of myself that I had long neglected and buried deep down, and to reassess the trajectory of my life and career. For too long, I had allowed myself to be confined by societal expectations and corporate norms. As a woman in a male-dominated field, I had faced countless obstacles and barriers, constantly striving to prove myself worthy in the eyes of others. But by doing that, I had lost myself.
The Apprentice was a wake-up call that forced me to confront these limitations, challenging me to break free from this constant pursuit of validation and success in the corporate world and to embrace the fullness of who I am, to unleash my true identity and passions.
During my time on the show, I grappled with feelings of frustration and self-doubt. Why was I unable to speak my mind? Why did I feel so constrained by the expectations placed upon me (mostly by myself)? Why was I so angry and disappointed with myself? These questions lingered long after my departure from the show. I was particularly shocked by how much self-blame and anger I was feeling, driving me to delve deeper into my own psyche and uncover the root causes of my internal struggles.
What followed was a journey of introspection and self-exploration. It was very uncomfortable, humbling, and painful. I retreated from external noise and embarked on a solitary quest to reconnect with my authentic self. For those closest to me, my sudden withdrawal may have seemed baffling. But for me, it was necessary. I needed to face my fears, insecurities, and suppressed desires head-on, without the distractions of external influences. It was a process of shedding layers, peeling back the protective barriers I had built over the years, and confronting the ingrained beliefs and behaviours that no longer served me.
The journey started with re-assessing my values and putting in place healthy boundaries around them. For example, I had to stop being a people-pleaser, which had even driven me to becoming burnt out in the past. To get to the core of my anger towards myself, I had to understand my thinking patterns, which meant digging into and confronting past traumas as these subconsciously shape a person. I slowly uncovered a side of myself that had long been dormant—a side that was fierce, unapologetic, free. I discovered a passion for self-expression and creative exploration through dance and photography.
Looking back now, I am grateful for the abrupt end to my time on The Apprentice. It was the catalyst I needed. It reignited a spark within me that I could no longer ignore, compelling me to carve out my own path and embrace the fullness of who I am. I feel free now. And empowered. I know the journey isn’t over yet, and there is still more to grow and learn about myself. And it takes daily intention and strength to stand up for myself and my own path, but I can say that today, I stand tall and unapologetic in my authenticity, I am no longer defined by external validations or the approval of others. Instead, I draw strength and happiness from within, guided by my own inner compass and fuelled by a sense of purpose and self-assurance. And as I continue to forge ahead on my path, I do so by embracing life’s unforeseen twists and turns.
To stay up to date with Dr. Manuela Loeblein, follow her Instagram @manusiii.